You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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