i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
