Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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