I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
