im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
