Moan for me like Helen Keller
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
