just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
