I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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