yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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