Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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