Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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