I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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