So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
