She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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