You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My dick has a subreddit
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How naked do you want me to be?
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