you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
