The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
