dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
