P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Drunk is a universal language darling
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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