I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
