i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
