Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize