Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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