I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
