The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize