I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
