why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So apparently I’m into choking now
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