I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
