I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
