I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
