I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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