so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
