I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
