I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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