Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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