I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
