im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
