he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
