Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
