She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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