Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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