My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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