things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
