haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
