Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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