just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
