well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
