this beer tastes like vomit already
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
