we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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