just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
