addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
