just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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