walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
True strength comes from lack of pants
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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