I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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