He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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