Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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