Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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