haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize