He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
