So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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