I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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