i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
