Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
