Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
