my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
