I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
