Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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