There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
