so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
