Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
