I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
