My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
