i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
