I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
