then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
