I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
